The Great Rebalancing
The intersection of parenthood, professional life, and physical fitness
Hey reader,
Today is the final day that my 18-month-old daughter will spend with her nanny. As of Monday, she’ll be in daycare a few blocks up the road from home. This signals a new period of transition and a rebalancing of how the Wenger family has done things since Olivia was three months old.
Today’s essay connects this rebalancing to a remote work and an outdoors-centric lifestyle, as I’ve experienced it.
I’m excited to walk Olivia to the daycare center and back, and while our family — Olivia, particularly — will miss the nanny, she’s ready to get out of the house more often and socialize with other kids her age.
Will this help her to sleep better at night?
I digress.
Resources from this week’s essay
Thule Chariot Cross (stroller/bike trailer/cross-country ski pulk for kids)
Mountain Remote back essays for further reading:
For more on the “after-worker:” 2020 Introduced The World To Remote Work, But Not To Its Real Perks
Lastly, welcome to the 15 new subscribers since last week!
The Great Rebalancing
The intersection of parenthood, professional life, and physical fitness
I’d always been an “eight hours or bust” guy. I need my sleep. As an adult, getting through a busy workday coupled with exercise and other responsibilities necessitates proper rest. In college, I never once pulled an all-nighter because by 3:00 I’d have devolved into a conniption fit for fear of not having enough energy the next day.
I simply must have my sleep.
I firmly believed this for 13,840 days.
At 12:37 pm on day 13,841, I became a dad. Cue 3 am bottle call and 5 am marathon board-book reading sessions.
I now believe that excess sleep is a luxury afforded only to those with too little to do. If life was a juggling act before fatherhood, afterward it more closely resembles mid-March at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, where the chaos of a poorly designed and overly strained urban air hub experiences the added pressures of Spring Training and the annual exodus of the snowbirds.
Our daughter, Olivia, turned 18 months old last Saturday. Since she was three months old, we've employed a nanny to watch her Monday through Thursday while my wife and I work.
Next Monday, Olivia transitions to daycare. The Great Rebalancing moves into its next act.
Focus on what you can control
I’ve long been a proponent of the “after-worker,” which entails wrapping up work in time to hit the trail, the gym, or partake in some other form of fitness training. A day doesn’t feel complete without it.
For the past 18 months, the “after-worker” has primarily entailed looking after a small, very messy, stand-up comedian who lives by no one’s schedule but her own. On the best days I can get her out on a bike ride or a quick hike.
Sometimes over the past year and a half, she’d have a bad day and I’d depart early from the coworking space to come home and help. On other days the nanny would be sick or unable to complete the shift for one reason or another. Most often, due to the need to condense an entire day’s task list into six hours, I’d get so backed up with work that escaping to the gym or for a bike ride simply couldn’t happen.
We’d end up walking through town, her in her stroller with dad behind, visiting the post office, grocery store, library, and/or park, depending on the home’s current needs and the time left over for a session on the slides.
The “after-worker” has collapsed on many, indeed most, days. This greatly frustrated me for several months, until I learned to just let it go. There was nothing I could do about it, and stressing over it just made things worse.
Focusing on what I can control is far more productive. I can walk 10,000 steps per day — a nearly guaranteed act when following and carting around a young child. I can drink an extra cup of coffee in the morning and attempt to go to sleep shortly after Olivia does in the evening.
The good news is that when you live in a small Colorado town surrounded by bike paths and trailheads, bringing an infant with you into the outdoors is more than doable. We bought a Thule Chariot, a stroller that converts into a bike trailer and cross-country ski pulk and have put no less than 1,000 miles on it to date. This allows me to take Olivia with me on afternoon bike rides or snowshoe trips and has offered the added perk of helping us get into cross-country skiing this winter.
Additionally, the Osprey Poco LT Child Carrier allowed us to bring Olivia with us on hikes before she could walk and will continue to allow us to embark on longer hikes than her little legs can handle throughout the forthcoming summer.
Bringing an infant into the outdoors is an adjustment, a rebalancing of how I have historically approached outdoor recreation. It’s challenging and rewarding in a new way — but hearing her laugh from inside the Thule as we zoom down a hill on the e-bike or watching her run around the warming hut at the Grand Valley Nordic Council trail system is equally, nay, more rewarding than exploring a new zone on my splitboard.
Plus, having someone with whom to share it with means there’s no better excuse to open a pouch of cheese.
Rebalancing, over and over
Remote work has enabled me to be more flexible in my schedules, allowing for better management of family life and job responsibilities. Alisha, my wife, works a demanding job but is able to be somewhat flexible in her arrival and departure times. For us, every week is a shift from the previous week — with the added jolt of never knowing at what time Olivia will wake up each morning.
Our relative flexibility, though, has enabled us to spend ample time with our daughter and avoid becoming parents who outsource parenthood. The lack of a need for me to commute between home and work every day frees up valuable time to spend with Olivia. Furthermore, it gives us more freedom to work when we can and for as long as we can, meaning that childcare can be prioritized without sacrificing (most) career opportunities.
Even if that means we’re both sitting in bed on laptops at least a few nights per week, watching reruns of The Office while prepping for the next day’s deliverables.
What I’ve found, though, is that this newfound flexibility can offer the potential to increase parents’ engagement with their job, rather than the other way around. Because we’re hyper-conscious of what tasks we’re doing in the moment, prioritizing what’s important comes more naturally than it did before parenthood.
In many cases, we can focus on tasks more efficiently and devote more mental energy to getting the job done. In addition, remote work absolutely reduces stress levels, as there is no worry about being late for work or missing important meetings because we couldn’t get out the door in time.
Dare I say, too, that remote work also opens up new career opportunities for parents who may not want the traditional 9-5 office job. With more flexible working hours, parents who are in the right position can take on roles that are more suited to their lifestyle and that better fit their family commitments.
Acknowledging privilege
The ability to be flexible with work — and everything else — over the past year and a half has been paramount to maintaining any semblance of balance. I feel deep empathy for the parents without that ability. Furthermore, performing work that returns a living wage prevents even more unwarranted stress.
Being a father has hardened my opinion that society should embrace an asynchronous work culture wherever possible, including for many in-office positions.
Now, onward to the next chapter.
Here’s to daycare. And to always remaining nimble.
That’s all for now. See you next week!